Knowing Me

The past week has been a difficult one. Certain events during this time have made me question myself, who I really am, and if it’s actually ok to be me. It’s difficult to ask myself these questions, because the answers that arise aren’t necessarily ones that I expected, or particularly like. It’s said that your 20s are a difficult time because this is when you make so many of your really important decisions – choosing to study or work, leaving home, and taking on responsibilities that are new and daunting. I fully believe that whoever said that, knew what they were talking about.

Questioning myself and my motives is like looking into a mirror that shows me from the inside. All the things that I’ve said and done are laid bare, and sometimes those things are painful to look at, because no matter how well I think I know myself, I still tend to surprise myself, and the surprises are not always pleasant ones. I often feel like there is no space for me to be who I am, and that the only way I can truly fit is to make a place for myself, however ill-fitting. It would be nice if I could just go through life never looking at myself, never examining why I do things – but that’s not who I am. And maybe that is a part of my burden to carry – that I will always look myself in the mirror and see beyond my reflection.

Add comment May 15, 2011