Archive for May 2011
A Childlike View
Do you remember how easy it was to make friends as a child? All you needed was a smile, or something small in common, like your names, or your love of barbies, and bam, new friend found. It never mattered where your friend was from, who they knew, or who their families were. It never mattered which of you had the ‘better’ life – these things simply don’t occur to kids. There may have been the odd jealousy over a friend’s prettier barbie or cooler toy car collection – but in the grand scheme of things, you were friends, and that was that.
As an adult I find it so much harder. Firstly, the opportunities to meet people gets less and less. Once you’ve passed through university, meeting new people mostly comes from mutual friends, or at work. For me, I don’t even have the work option since I work in my family’s business. Bummer.
Even holding on to current friendships seems to be a path fraught with obstacles, unspoken truths, and silent resentments. So few people ever say what they really think, keeping their mouths for the sake of not rocking the boat, or risking upsetting someone. I find that all this does is break down communication, and where there is bad communication, there is fertile ground for misunderstandings.
Maybe this is just my experience, but today’s society seems to have bred a population of self-orientated people – caring about others and helping them out is an out-dated concept of the past. It saddens me to think that sometimes, even your friends aren’t a sure thing.
I once had a friend ask me why I needed her support, seeing as I have a husband and a loving, close-knit family. The question stopped me cold, and it just made me think about how much people don’t want to bear anyone else’s problems. In my opinion, this world would be a much better place if more people took the time to be there, to be a real friend.
Add comment May 27, 2011
Knowing Me
The past week has been a difficult one. Certain events during this time have made me question myself, who I really am, and if it’s actually ok to be me. It’s difficult to ask myself these questions, because the answers that arise aren’t necessarily ones that I expected, or particularly like. It’s said that your 20s are a difficult time because this is when you make so many of your really important decisions – choosing to study or work, leaving home, and taking on responsibilities that are new and daunting. I fully believe that whoever said that, knew what they were talking about.
Questioning myself and my motives is like looking into a mirror that shows me from the inside. All the things that I’ve said and done are laid bare, and sometimes those things are painful to look at, because no matter how well I think I know myself, I still tend to surprise myself, and the surprises are not always pleasant ones. I often feel like there is no space for me to be who I am, and that the only way I can truly fit is to make a place for myself, however ill-fitting. It would be nice if I could just go through life never looking at myself, never examining why I do things – but that’s not who I am. And maybe that is a part of my burden to carry – that I will always look myself in the mirror and see beyond my reflection.
Add comment May 15, 2011
