Prologue – Extract One of Novel

She felt like she had been on the hospital bed for hours, with the bright lights of the room searing her eyes and making her feel exposed and vulnerable, the shouts of the nurses and doctors ringing in her ears.

She had known she was carrying twins, which involved certain implications like a longer and more painful birth, but had not been prepared for the excruciating white-hot pain that would accompany her sons’ entry into the world. Sweat trickled down her neck and covered her body in a fine sheen; she could barely feel the pressure of Kevin’s fingers wrapped around her own through the heady haze of pain that wracked every nerve. As another contraction came and rolled over her swiftly she knew that she would have to start pushing. As soon as the realization hit that she would soon be holding her two sons in each arm, that after several difficult months she would finally see her children, a vague but strong sense of dread filled her, momentarily sweeping all other thoughts and her pain aside. The feeling rushed over her and fled, like a locomotive train out of control. She felt dazed and confused as a nameless fear began to bubble up in her, leaving her breathless with its force. Katherine had never considered herself what was often called a ‘natural’ mother – she had pushed down the fear whenever she thought of motherhood – yet when she had found out she was pregnant she had felt an explosive joy fit to burst her skin.

What is going on here? Why do I feel this way?

Even as the thought came she realized that the feeling of dread was limited to only her one son. She struggled to sit up, to alert Kevin that she had an undeniably strong feeling that there was something wrong with one of their sons. Different hands gently pushed her back down, and only at that moment did she snap out of her daze and become aware of the activity around her, of the pain that wracked her body. She gasped and suddenly tuned in to the sound of the doctor’s yelling instructions at her.

She tried to speak over the chaos, desperately trying to reach out to Kevin and get his attention long enough to try and tell him about her feeling, but he was too intent on the activities in the room to see her desperation.

“Katherine, push!” the doctor shouted and Kevin shouted in unison.

She knew it was no use. She started to push.

Some time later, both boys had entered the world, a mere two minutes apart. Her feeling was forgotten and as she held both her sons, she had no memory whatsoever of the terrible emotion that had gripped her so entirely.

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